Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Just some clarification

I have received a few of messages saying that "my story" makes me seem very angry & I should seek help (Interesting side note:  these people who have said this have no experience with infertility or have not even started their TTC journey yet). 

Yes, it does seem like I'm angry.  That's because when I started writing my story, I was literally in the middle of my last loss (the heterotopic pregnancy)-which was like being sucker punched in the stomach....twice & the second punch came to me before I completely got over the 1st.

I'll admit, I probably shouldn't write when I'm an emotional wreck, but at the same time, my emotions are not only all over the place but very raw.  I thought maybe keeping the story "in real time" would be more effective for you to see what it feels like.  So, that others that may be experiencing infertility for the 1st time or just found out that they have an infertility issue  will know that how they feel may be the same as how I felt (and they are normal for feeling that way).

Please know, I am totally sane.  I am not on any anti-depressants nor do I think I need to be on any at this time.  I am a normal person who is just being me & telling my feelings as they happen.  I think I'm allowed to be angry.  But I'm not always angry.  It's a roller coaster, sometimes it doesn't phase me at all, sometimes I'm just very sad for us, & sometimes I'm angry.   The good days FAR out way the bad (I'm to the point where a bad day is a once in a blue moon kinda thing).  We all have these kinds of feelings about life in general, I just have a different issue that causes it.


  1. You are entitled to have every feeling in the book. No need to justify, explain, or excuse yourself. It is a roller coaster with a lot of twists and bends. I hope very much that you are climbing a very high hill that only gets higher and higher.

  2. I believe I am. I have more support now than ever, so I can't see how things can't get better. Even if I do suffer losses in the future, I am surrounded by so many wonderful people to lift me up again, but I know that I will never fall as far down as I have in the past.